Thursday, July 28, 2011

Grandpas Gone Wild (AKA: Old Man River)

If you live in Argentina and have a pulse, then you are aware of the fact that the "River Plate" fútbol team (one of the most successful teams in all of Argentina) recently lost an important game that resulted in their historic descent to the B League for the first time in over a hundred years.  Although it’s not the same analogy, the consequences could be likened to the New York Yankees being at the bottom of their division for several years. 

I watched the game at home with my Argentine roommate (and our che: Gonzalo: The Smooth Criminal) and his friends. Needless to say, the River fans were pretty upset and the Boca fans (the other major team in Buenos Aires and arch nemesis of River) were gloating in their faces. It was a little uncomfortable to be an outsider but I was full of beer and a meal cooked on the parilla (grill), so I was fine with the result.  After the game, usually everyone heads home but that day, we sat and watched the destruction of the morale of the River fans, and their destruction of the stadium and surrounding neighborhood.  I will say, it was nothing like the aftermath of the Vancouver Canucks Stanley Cup (hockey) loss to the (super-awesome and current world champions) Boston Bruins, but it was still embarrassing to see that this is how the fans reacted.

One disgruntled fan has become an internet sensation in the last few weeks. His family secretly filmed him watching the game and his subsequent rage (I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s had this sort of reaction). During the course of the video, he proceeds to curse at the players, managers, owners, and even fans. At 2:40 in the video, the 2nd goal was scored by the opposing team, more or less sealing the fate of River. The old man’s reaction is pretty good, shouting, "No! Noo! Estamos en la B!" Translated as "No, Noo! We're in the B (league)!" Then, toward the end of the game (5:42), his family proceeds to give him a pill to calm him down.  I hope you get a kick out of the video.

Below, in a very *special* addition of Vocabulary Time!, are some translations of the expletives the fan uses. Check it out! Anyway, thanks for being a follower, puto!

Vocabulary Time!

 Swearing, just like eating a good steak, savoring a wine or spending time with friends, is an important part of Argentine culture. Below are some of the phrases that Old Man River spat on his television.

 *Advisory* If you are under the age of 18 or over 65, you should get someone's permission (parent or doctor, respectively) before reading.

 Argentine Slang (Lunfardo)
English Translation
“La concha de tu hermana”
"Your sister’s pussy"/Go to Hell (he also refers to his & your mother, aunt and grandmother as well)
“Hijo de puta”
Son of a bitch
Prick or douche bag
A nicer way to say “pelotudo” AKA: Idiot
Stupid, acting like a child
“La puta que me parió”
The bitch that gave birth to me
“Pongan huevo”
Grow a pair or telling someone to hustle (in a sports reference)
“Parado mental”
Mental retard
“Forro de mierda”
“Shit condom” AKA: fucking asshole

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Che of the Day: Gonzalo

Gonzalo - The Smooth Criminal
Age: 31
Hometown: Buenos Aires but has lived in Los Angels for 10 years and Barcelona for 8.
Occupation: Working as little as possible (how Argentine of him!)
Ultimate celebrity crush: Kate Moss (back in her early CK days)
Favorite musician: Joan Manuel Serrat (old school Spanish music, (check out one of his most popular songs)
Favorite movie: 8 1/2 by Frederico Fellini (won 2 Academy awards)
# of times he's been in love: 3
# of times he's had his heart broken: Many
First thing he notices in a woman: Her voice (riiight!) 
If he was a woman for a day, he'd: masturbate for half and have sex for the other (he didn't say with who)
If his house was on fire, he'd take: a box with all his keepsakes and his Mac computer (Apple DOES rule the world apparently)
If he had only one day to live, he'd: have a goodbye party with all of the important people in his life, pig out on food (specifically beef, and Freddo ice cream), and then experiment with drugs. (a solid day in my opinion)
Has he ever been arrested: "You want to know all the times?" (ya know, the usual)
The most years between him and someone he's hooked up with: 30 years, older. (my granny says she doesn't regret it! --disclaimer, not my real granny)
The ultimate super power: Teleportation (golf clap for that one)